What the fuck did I miss?

First of Hi,Hello everyone I haven't been a touch for quite a while.

Some shit happened but not to me and I need to tell it to someone,

you will be my someone.

So now everybody know rachel right? well I learned by my friends that she thought she was pregnant. Crazy right? But let me breaking it to you the result came back negative

well at least it's what she told us. Even though I can't stand her I was relief for her when she said it was negative. No one should make a choices this big at such a young age unfortunately it happens.

I was the last to learn this and it didn't bothered me at all like she talked about it to two of my friends and another of my friends saw a photo of the test saying positive ( false positive)

I just felt kinda bad about the fact that I felt kinda like an outsider in the story like I knew she wouldn't tell me it and it's her right body and choice but the fact that evrybody knew beside me and that nobody stand her ( because of her behavior and some things she said ) well I felt left out in a way.

And again it really is about the fact that I feel bad about feeling left out. But what kinda ever it's okay.

On a real serious way I'm used to this feeling I'd say I'm kind of out going but still reserved sometimes I don't have choice to be the outgoing person and go out of my comfort zone.

Darwin ( one of my best friend ) ihas really big anxiety and it is really hard for her to speak to stranger to ask for some things sometimes. The thing is I do also feel uncomfortable doing it sometimes so I try to cheer her up or just tell her go with it ( I do it in kind of an exposure therapy because I won't be there all the time you know). Once I had to ask in a shop if they needed staff because she wanted to work there the thing is that she was right beside me and I kept on telling her to just start the conversation because she wants to apply for the job not me. And it wasn't the first time she was talking about working there she told me she was about to ask in the week but we end up going out so she was like I should ask now for the job (completely okay) the thing is if she did it the day she wanted I wouldn't have been there so how would she has done it yk?

I feel bad evrytime because she ask me and I'm either like ok I will do it or other time I'll be like you can do yourself I'm beside you anyway but she is the most of the time really stress and like she tells me thay I know she really is anxious so I always feel bad.

I hate this feeling, a lot of time people thinks I'm really a bitch who hates doing things for my friends ( wrong btw ) most of the time my friends don't even have to ask but like I can't do anything for you.

If we keep talking about darwin I really like darwin but sometimes she really pisses me off or I will piss her off for the dance representation you know the one in the south of the country. We were in a tent with anothr girl. It was funny I enjoyed it but it was also really hard not to end up being mad. She asked me to do a lot of things for when she could have done it sometimes I did and other times I didn't and it really was back to back so she said multiple times that I was insufferable ( it really hits me ) like we are used to insult eaxch other ( when we are joking ) but saying I was insufferable when she could have done it by herself or ask the other girl in the tent much often. Like I know you are obviously closer to me than her but like I can be tired too or I can be hurts too it's not because I don't say it that I don't feel it.

I guess that few times I did it out of spite but saying I was insufferable was really hurting me and it was the first times she told me that. We made up everytime and we have a good friendship. It just that sometimes I feel really like bad and I can't really say it in the way I want to.

Wasn't planning on exposing myself like that but why not?

I actually told and show all my friends my blog because I really like it I even made an account for my friend ( I know they will never be on it ever soooo yk whatever)